whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
