I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
too bad you live with your parents still
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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