I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
birth control should be required to get into college
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Randomize
