and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
