somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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