I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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