I hope mine doesn't look like that
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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