My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
