Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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