if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
