Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
