please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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