I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
