Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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