only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize