My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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