words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
