I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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