Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
