Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
