Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
