"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
