He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
