dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
