why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
