And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
