Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The Olympian is in my bed
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize