I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
