Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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