Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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