Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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