on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
