dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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