ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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