Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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