True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
worst night to have a conscience
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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