so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize