My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
