Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
