so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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