We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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