so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
