you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
time to smoke my breakfast
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
