My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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