woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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