aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
