I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
