you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
