I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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