i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
