Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
