Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
