They should really pass out barf bags in church
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
