i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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