My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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