Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
