ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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