I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize