how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
