Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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