I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
