1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My vagina is very pro this idea
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
