I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize