what if every blade of grass was a penis?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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