You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
