my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
even my farts smell like vagina
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
