i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you win again, gameday.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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