Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
