i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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