i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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