Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
