im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
