Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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