great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
