You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
