there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
