just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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