My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
