how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This is my gift to your gina
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
