Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
