Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
