i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hippo gnu deer
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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