I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
