I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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