Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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