he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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