Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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