I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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