This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
