I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
