Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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