I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
