how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
