i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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