Pappa wants mamma naked
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
