well I can't set my house on fire every night
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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