i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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