My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
