evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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