Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
