"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
