so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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