I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize